I remember that year like it was yesterday, even though it’s been 2 decades since then. The crisp fall air, the smell of nachos and popcorn, the sounds of the marching band that I was a part of and the look of despair on everyone’s face. It was our last year and we had not won a single football game my entire high school career. As a matter of fact, we rarely won at any other athletic or extra-curricular competitions either. Feelings of frustration, shame and anger swept over me as we lost our final game. We all hung our heads in defeat and slowly filed our way out of the stadium. No fight left in us and we were resigned to the fact that we were losers.
Unfortunately, I carried that loser mentality with me after that for many years. I was chained to the loser, my constant companion. When I could pick myself up long enough to attempt something great I was eventually confronted with the loser. The loser- always telling me I would never win, accomplish anything great or be successful at anything in my life. The loser wasn’t just A voice in my head; it was MY voice now. We were one, somehow intricately connected by years of failing. I expected nothing great of myself; therefore I did nothing great for years. Risk taking was not a part of my vocabulary. I learned to play it safe and be invisible. Who wants to draw attention to the loser??
What I know now and didn’t know then is that we were competing against schools that were twice our size. Because winning was the goal we were always falling short. I didn’t realize we were training for something bigger than an athletic competition; we were training for life. Because the loser was my boyfriend his influence permeated almost every facet of my life.
The Messy Break-Up
It was many years later that I decided to ditch the loser and it wasn’t a quick severance. I met someone new and he liked me. He liked me a lot in fact and I couldn’t understand why. He told me I was amazing and showed me by showering his love and favor on me. He gave me gifts and always encouraged me in my pursuits. Did I mention his name?? His name is Jesus and we are in love. Still I went through years of faltering back and forth between hating myself and loving myself.
Over time He slowly changed my attitude about life and myself. He gave me the grace I needed to accept myself but also challenged me to be the best version of myself. I didn’t trust him at first, but after years of his constant faithfulness and re-assurance I eventually decided the loser and I weren’t a good fit anymore. I broke free and I don’t regret it for one second.
How to break-up with a loser
Well there’s no easy way to ditch someone is there? Basically you just have to get fed up enough to sever the relationship. In this situation it’s a mindset that has held you back for years. How do you ditch a mindset?? Slowly….over time….that’s the only way. We have to learn how to pull the lies up by the roots that we have believed and trash them. Then we have to replace them with truth. So it’s a domestic process: trash the bad roots and plant new seeds.
1) Trash the bad roots
When you are involved with a loser mindset, it’s hard to determine what thoughts are truths and what thoughts are lies. The words that God speaks are truth so in order to know truth you MUST know His voice. Jesus said, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27-NLT. We learn God’s voice by meditating on His words. It’s not rocket science……when we have a thought that doesn’t sound like His voice we pull it up by the root and throw it in the trash. If you do that enough times you’ll have a clean environment to plant the right roots in.
2) Plant new seeds
There is no such thing as empty space when it comes to our minds. Something will always take up real estate; we get to decide if its thorns, thistles and brush or if it’s something beautiful. Have you ever noticed weeds don’t have to be planted, they just show up? Uninvited. Left untouched they can choke out the life of everything else that’s living there. But things of substance usually have to be planted. There’s intentionality about it. When it comes to trashing a loser mindset a simultaneous exchange must occur. As we are pulling up the bad thoughts by the root and trashing them, we are also planting seeds of God’s word in our minds so they will yield something more beautiful than we can imagine. God’s word is the only catalyst that can bring life to a dead and broken mind.
The Pain is worth the gain
Yes it will hurt to be so scrutinous about your thoughts. Yes you will have to be mindful and check every thought and make sure it is obedient to the Lordship of Christ. Yes the pain it costs to change is real, but the gain, the payoff is worth the asking price. You won’t regret ditching the loser. You won’t regret getting your life back.
