I’m afraid of the dark. There I said it. I’m a full grown, middle-aged adult that is afraid of the dark. I still sleep with a nightlight on unless my husband is home, in which case I must believe that he will save me from whatever evil thing slithers out from underneath my bed. I suppose having demonic nightmares as a child didn’t really set me on a healthy path where darkness is concerned. As a child, I spent many nights singing myself to sleep and quoting Psalm 23 from memory.
I don’t watch scary movies. I don’t read horror fiction stuff. I steer clear of darkness as best I can. Unfortunately, I cannot exempt myself from living in a dark world though. As best as I try to avoid it, darkness always seems to find me in the form of depression and hopelessness.
Sometimes I feel the dark night of the soul inching it’s way up to my throat hoping to suffocate me with sadness. Usually it comes in the form of relational conflict that never seems to resolve, disappointments that never cease, and failures that seem to follow me around like a gray cloud. Can you relate at all?
It’s part of the human existence to feel sadness. Without sadness we would never really know happiness. We would have nothing to compare the two extremes with. It’s sadness that gives happiness its meaning, doesn’t it? Just like dark and light. It’s the contrast between the two that gives dimension and depth.
I spent many years trying to will myself to feel happier. I thought a christian should never struggle with depression, or feel sad. But why not? Aren’t we human beings, created to feel a wide range of emotions? We can experience sadness but we have to learn to not live in it perpetually. Experience the emotion, but not be overcome by it.
For sure, Jesus felt these emotions too. Think of Lazarus and how Jesus wept at his tomb. Think of Jesus’ agony in the garden of Gethsemane. Feeling sadness didn’t make Him any less of a savior. He even expressed the emotions that he felt. That didn’t make Him weak; it showed his humanity. It made Him relatable to us.
I can totally relate to what David says here:
I am forgotten as a dead man, out of mind; I am like a broken vessel. Psalm 31:12
Yes. Like a broken vessel. There are moments when I feel out of mind, dead, and like a broken vessel. The enemy is breathing down my neck, telling me what a failure I am and God will never fulfill his promises to me because I’m such a messed up individual. You know what I’m talking about right? Surely I can’t be the only one.
David had a good reason to say these things. He was being chased by Saul non- stop. God had promised him the kingdom but David had nothing to show for it. He lived in caves and spent most of his time dodging Saul. David had been faithful to always do what God told him to do, and this was the thanks he got?
But, look what David says here later in the same Psalm (19-21):
How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!
You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.
Blessed be the LORD,
For He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.
David hid himself in the goodness of God. He reminded himself of God’s providence over his life. He reminded himself of the safety that comes with abiding in God’s secret place. He knew that in this secret place no unholy conspiracy could touch him. Peoples lies spoken about him could not remove him from the shelter of God’s presence!
If that doesn’t help to pull you out of the mulligrubs then I’m not sure what will! I want to encourage to hide yourself in the goodness of good when you feel sad and hopeless. Just like David, start to confess who God is and what He does. Yes, feel free to express your sadness by all means, but follow it up by releasing your faith in God’s character.
After all, it’s faith that pleases God. It’s faith that moves his heart and hand. It’s faith that makes us children of God. It’s faith that moves mountains. And it’s our faith that is going to carry us through this life.
Because of God’s goodness, I don’t have to be afraid of the dark. And neither do you. Even if life gets hard and we feel depression slithering it’s way into our hearts, we don’t have to allow it access. We can turn on the light by reminding ourselves of our great God that is on our side. He is for us and He is with us.
Dark shall have no dominion over a child of God. Be blessed friends, and be encouraged! Your God is full of goodness and light.
