Typically, I release a quirky blog post or poem about something God is revealing to me in hopes that some of you can relate. My goal is always to help encourage and inspire you to keep going! BUT…..I’m shifting gears this time and I’m just giving you the low down on what’s going on with me right now. I’m gonna be REAL ya’ll……but I think you will find that this post gives you a shot of hope right in the arm (or butt cheek).
I’ve been dutifully trudging through the past five years in a banking career that I never really wanted. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate it, or thank God for providing for us, it was mainly because the job came in the form of a detour. I thought my life was going somewhere, somewhere fantastic, actually! In 2010, I thought I had arrived at my destiny after I signed with a label and enjoyed some success as a recording artist. Things seemed to be going great, I was traveling and performing, leading worship, doing radio interviews, recording songs, opening for national acts, etc and then one by one all of those doors starting closing. My husband and I found ourselves closing our business and moving to another town to find work. Finally, in 2013, I took a job at a small bank and I drug myself up there every day, devastated and broken hearted. That was the beginning of the longest detour of my life. I felt so betrayed by God.
I felt betrayed because I thought He had something better than that planned for my life. I had spent decades preparing for those few years of music that were short lived and bittersweet. I’m writing a full length book about this journey for those of you that have a broken heart and are disappointed in God. There I said it- disappointed in God. It stinks and I hated that I even felt that way but I did. I knew that He opened and closed the doors. I didn’t understand his motive or methods anymore and I started to feel afraid and alone, like an orphaned child. I felt like screaming at him and throwing my hands up in the air. Forget this Christian thing!! But no matter how bad I wanted to, I couldn’t. I loved Him and it didn’t matter what He did or didn’t do I couldn’t walk away.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this pain, He picked me up and started to bring me back to life. I’m starting to dream again, sing again, hope again. I feel like I died a thousand deaths over the past 5 years but somehow I’m still alive, the real me anyway. Beauty is emerging from this shroud of death, finally.
Now I have come full circle, back to the place I started. I gave my notice recently at my job and I’m stepping out in faith to help my husband with our businesses. I’m also opening a music studio for development, vocal coaching and guitar instruction. I believe God is en route to finish what He started in me. I’m not exactly sure what that is but I do know He will do it! The script is changing and we’ve got another plot twist! It’s not for my benefit but yours. You need to see God do the impossible in someone’s life. You need to see God resurrect broken dreams and lives and make them into something incredible. You need to see that nothing is truly ever dead when He is around. It’s not just you that needs to see it, but the world. The skeptics. The agnostics. The down-trodden and devastated. They all need hope and maybe, just maybe, my story will give them a glimmer of hope.
God may disappoint us for a season, but beauty awaits those that do not lose heart and walk away. His promises are as sure as the dawn, and are a steadfast anchor for our souls. Friends, grab hold of Jesus and don’t ever let go. Nothing else in this world is worth the pain of disappointment or the agony of waiting.
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Hebrews 10:23
